Playfulness

So playfulness is one of the problems of my life. It is an issue that I am told to work on time and time again. It shouldn’t be a chore. Playing isn’t something you work at. It is pursuing what pleases you. It is being in the moment. It is doing more of what feels good. These are all things that I seem to struggle with everyday, especially since my awakening. I became so focused on my spiritual path that I forgot how to play. There is NOTHING more important to me than my spiritual path. I can fuck that up pretty easily by getting out of balance. I can get in a hole that seems to take a while to get out of about every quarter it seems.
I don’t want to slip and fall, but I know that is how I learn. Slipping and falling on the same thing though is troubling. I especially get frustrated when I am down and remember that I wrote about that precept. I have a client who was a famous baseball player whom I discussed the idea that I seem to be able to win a pennant, but don’t seem to have a dynasty. I want to have a team that is consistently winning it all. What does it take to do this? You have to scout new prospects which includes searching and nurturing the new talent you find. You have to care and develop a winning culture. You have to practice a lot and have fun doing that. It’s a game. Those players that consider it work will not go very far. Those that remember it is a game you play will have fun and have the motivation to improve and get better.

I must remember that life isn’t slaving at a dismal office job with people that are also angry and frustrated while being ball and chained to a desk for at least 8 hours a day and watched by a supervisor. No, life is a game. Life is play. Life is having fun and remembering that Joy is everyone’s purpose. Gratitude and Oneness and Belief help with Joy.

So, why am I struggling with this? I don’t seem to ever get my purpose out of my head to pursue the toys of this world. I can always have fun with a playmate. Friends can provide entertainment. I don’t have problems playing with others, but how can I have fun playing on my own?

These days I have no issue with being alone. This was not the case before my awakening. I hated myself and was only focused on playing because I was so miserable inside. I definitely could not play by myself. I now spend a lot of time by myself. I left a lot of friends behind when I woke up. I alienated some with toxic past behaviors which contributed to my fall and rebirth. Others I fell out of association with had nothing in common with me instantly after my eyes were opened. Many I just partied with. Again, another issue is my view in the past of having fun was getting inebriated. Drugs and alcohol have little to do with playing and having fun. In fact, it hinders. It stops me from being in the present moment and will have other side effects that are very unsavory.

There are things I enjoy doing on my own. Mostly, those things revolve around self-care. Loving myself has been a major focus for a while since I developed self-destruction in my past. This is part of why I can spend a lot of time alone. Working out and exercise is fun. I love to bike. I don’t have the athletic abilities of even a year ago since my spinal cord injury. It is the neuropathy that throws off my balance and coordination … so tennis isn’t my thing now. Sports I guess was a major part of my life along with art. I love to write and listen to music. I am still seeking the path toward playfulness and asking for help, guidance and openness to new options.

Today, I will ask for help. I desire to learn to find the balance of pursuing Earthly charms while in my True Self of Love for me,everyone else and this beautiful playground of our World. I will be more like a child and be present.

How do you find Joy? Do you struggle with playfulness? Are you able to stay present and play in this glorious world we have and still remember who you really are as a Perfect being in your True and original self? This seems simple. Maybe I compensate for so many years of pursuing happiness while being dead inside. I feel silly asking for help playing. This is where being childlike as Jesus mentioned is perfect. Kids don’t ask for guidance on how one is to be playful. Before childhood trauma, no kid isn’t present. Let me no how you feel about all this crazy talk and what your thoughts are on this topic. I would love other perspectives 🙂