I just had a dream about a friend that I had a very rough vacation with a few years ago. He was acting the same in my dream as he acted when he and I went on vacation. He was a bully and a control freak and then a victim. It was a cycle of control and narcissism. I was angry with him in my dream… still, after almost 2 years and ALOT of work put in to not be angry, but to Love him. I realize that I’m holding on to something still. We will never have a conversation about it because he cannot do so. I have tried to do so. I forever try to realize why he was the way he was while on vacation. I do understand that it was about control and he was angry that he saw what he knew he could be when I was focused on being in this spiritual place for my own spiritual growth. I did not react to his aggression and instead focused on responding with Love and not anger. I got to see how I used to be before my spiritual awakening 10 years ago as I said after all this … I was in a room of mirrors. I got to see who I was. It was truly a boot camp for me, but I still have growth to do in this area because I’m still holding on apparently. I know that we are to love everyone, everything and every situation as our full realization of our True, Divine selves. I realize that I am still holding on to anger, sadness and hurt. My ego is still engaged apparently. I also know that I am to allow others to be in their choice and to love others exactly the way they are … unconditionally. I’m still struggling with doing so with difficult people, but that is my daily practice. It is so easy for me to talk about it, but I am still working on applying it. I want to have mercy and understanding and love for myself as well. Unconditional love for myself is where we are to start. We are still under construction. It is a daily practice of me loving myself so I can love others.
This dream is related to an interesting interaction today with someone who had their door open when I was trying to park. I just waited for them patiently to close their door. They were irritated that I was there waiting as if I was rushing them. They gave me a dirty look and had to close their door for me to park next to them. As I left the car to walk into the health club, he was waiting to leave the parking space and staring at me. I decided to walk over and see if he wanted to talk. He said he saw my license plate of Live the Golden Rule and we had a conversation about that. The Golden Rule is a precept in the Gospel of Matthew (7:12): “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. . . .”. This is a common tenet in almost all religions and creeds. He said that if we were to all to do this there wouldn’t be any problems. I agreed and explained that I believe it is even more about loving ourselves first as we cannot love others without our self love … eventually if we do not love ourselves then we uncontrollably act out toward others. Interestingly as he was pulling away someone was honking because they were impatient that he wasn’t leaving the parking place fast enough and hanging halfway out blocking the road a little. I saw him say to the person as he was driving away, I’m sorry that I was taking too long. The other person started throwing his hands up in the air aggressively and yelling. The fellow I spoke with yelled, “Are you talking to me?” I walked away thinking about all of this … the conversation of living the Golden Rule, loving others as ourselves, the idea that we’re to love ourselves first and then we can love others and the whole situation. The idea that he wanted to change, but still had frustration and anger in wanting to call people out. We have all been here. We are all beginners once. We are all wanting peace and harmony in ourselves. Everyday I’m reminded of how to grow.
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