There’s a Buddhist concept called Equanimity. It is related to Attachment which is another Buddhist tenet to follow. I have been shown this and shown it even more recently as I am reminded of a girlfriend that broke up with me.
I was very attached to this incredible woman. I know that she is a Soulmate. I have been told many, many times by my Guides and Spirit Family. I know that a soulmate may be encountered, but maybe it is not for this lifetime. I know there can be many soul mates. I do believe that we are from past lives. When I met her I immediately was familiar with her and enamored. She was charming to me and I mean that in the literal. I was enchanted and charmed by her way. Fascinating … not many can understand love at first sight, but I do. There were many reasons we should not be together, but the energy she possesses does away with all of them. Anyway, she leveled with me one day that she felt there were too many vast differences between us for it to work. I was thinking about this before our conversation because I was thinking about when I didn’t hear from her as much and there was distance, I was hurt and wanted to be close. I thought just how needy and exhausting that is to people and there is no room for nagging desire in a relationship. The way to be is to not care about this and/or not require attention. I need to be caught up with me and my life and Path and if there is someone that aligns easily with me then this issue will not exist. I responded to her when she told me that she just needed a few days to think about it by saying – take all the time you want to take … I don’t give a _____. (Fill in the blank with whatever word you see fit … the word doesn’t matter, the intention does. Words are just defined by whatever judgment we personally have and level we allow ourselves to being offended. Anyway, I digress.) I told her that I meant that with the kindest of intention and explained that I really believe that what is, is what is perfect and supposed to be. The future is not in my hands and I turn that control over to the Universe. This is my Taoist viewpoint or like the Bhagavad Gita where Krishna said God decides who lives and dies in war, it is your job to be a warrior. (Hmmmm, a heartbroken warrior?? This isn’t where this name came from, but just one example. A heartbroken warrior is a warrior with compassion, tenderness, empathy and vulnerability. That is where the name comes from and I digress further.)
So, by saying … I don’t give a _____. I meant that it doesn’t matter how long she is away and doesn’t contact me. I am not trying to fit a square peg into a round whole. It is as it should be and she has to do what is best for her and do how she sees fit. It is not my choice, but I have always told her that I encourage and want her to always be in her choice. My choice was to live happily ever after with her. I knew I had to let go and not be attached … which can be interchanged with the word our culture likes to use a lot called Addiction. If I had it my way, we would be living together now. I don’t know what is best for me usually. I know myself, but thankfully I am guided often by my Soul Family and Guide .. I am so thankful. I know myself, but I can fall into my patterns and crave what I have been acculturated to want. I give myself to Divine Fate and often ask questions and talk to my Soul Family and Guides that are always there to help us anytime. Our culture may use the word Prayer.
So a big lesson is how to have Equanimity. Equanimity is sexy. It has a detachment. It is so attractive. We all love the hero who doesn’t give a ________. That hero is not attached, but floats in the wind easily like a majestic hawk playing with the air. Equanimity means you don’t get too high with the emotions or too low with the emotions. The ball will bounce and that is how our vibration even works with an oscillating current. Obviously, our energy fluctuates. Do we judge ourselves for being a little manic? We shouldn’t. The ball goes down sometimes and up sometimes. This is tied to the polarity of this world. There is an up and down, left and right … there are opposites and we are to find the balance. Equanimity is balance. It is staying in the middle of your emotions and finding that balance. It doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt and require healing. Remember, that’s how our growth happens. It doesn’t mean you are on top of the world looking down on everyone because you are so high. You can and should celebrate, but don’t let it own you.
When we are unattached or not addicted or not holding on to something too tightly, then we can have balance and Equanimity. Recognizing Attachment is always a big lesson for me. I can be reminded of a lesson from years ago or it can raise it’s head again today. I felt I have done the work of being alone or detached or balanced, but then a situation or memory can jar that and remind you of a lesson to work on or work on more. Kind of the bright light shining into the dusty corner that you didn’t see without the light. This beautiful woman always has the BIGGEST light to me. She shines so bright and brightens everyone’s day she encounters .. so special. She gave me a gift of showing me how I was attached to her. Again, there is a balance in everything .. even infatuated love. You can be infatuated, but not addicted. You can probably argue this, but it is in the semantics and personal definition you have of infatuated. Definitions often become modified. You can admire and desire, but you need to have boundaries and balance. Boundaries are not just associated with Self Love, but also balance.
A way we can work on Equanimity is by sitting with our pain and sitting with our Joy. We must be in joy when we have joy … enjoy. Celebrate when you have an opportunity to do so. Work with and through our pain. Use your emotions as guides for moving forward. Recognize patterns of destructive behavior. Recognize where we want to be and how to get there via our emotions. We must feel it and realize how we feel and why. We must enjoy our joy. I was speaking to a client who has gone through the death of her mom recently and mentioned Pema Chodron’s books … The Places that Scare Us and When Things Fall Apart. My dear friend gave me these books and they have been so meaningful to me. I said to her what was said in those which is sit with it, feel it, learn from it. I am reminded of this advice. I must follow it daily too. I am always going to be working and practicing my lessons. It took a bright light of a Soulmate to show me that there is still some dust in the corner. I am thankful no matter how much it hurt experiencing this lesson I revisited and will revisit more.
I must practice because when you practice, not only do you get really good at it, but it becomes easy. I vow to find Equanimity, to use boundaries and sit with joy and pain to find balance. I will practice being unattached to people, places, things, emotions, habits and anything that hits me over the head that I didn’t see coming 🙂 Unattachment is Sexy … when done right it is effortless. Being effortless is attractive and you are a magnet. Being effortless is admirable. You become an admired hero when you are unattached, don’t give a ________ and effortless. Be the hero.
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