The present moment is all there actually is. You are Now. We hold ourselves back with claiming our history … everything from our past … our habits and the way we have always done things, the accomplishments or trauma we have endured, etc. How else are we to think? Aren’t we our history? It is foreign to think that we can start right now with a new beginning. Yes, this very second, we can be brand new. We don’t even know what life can be since we only know what life was. We cannot dream of what chocolate could taste like if we never knew such a thing exists. Once you try it, you cannot untaste it and it changes the possibilities of what food can taste like. We can hear others talk about it or read about it, so we can think … that must be good?! A new start and a new reality is possible, but it is difficult to know our possibilities when all we know is our past. You have to be present only and just be you right now. The Future will unfold and become anything we desire by having thoughts that make that new reality. Having positive thoughts can make a positive future and allow you to make positive choices when new opportunities arise. All of this happened to me.
My story of my awakening began a long time ago. My actual awakening was somewhere around 10 years ago, but I feel that I chose the role of me before I got here. I always had spiritual growth aspirations. We are all on a spiritual journey whether we know it or not. Some just haven’t become aware and some are in denial. It actually doesn’t matter. You are on a Path to achieve whatever purposes you came here for. Some are common purposes like living in Joy and some came here to wake up and be cognizant of the energetic world beyond the Veil. I came to wake up and learn Love and Unity and Eternal Wisdom. Importantly, no ones Path is better or worse than another’s and some come here with other Karma with a simple purpose.
My story began and unfolded this way. Firstly, I am not a victim of circumstances. I felt that I was a victim for a long time. I was born without family. I was given up for adoption at birth and then adopted by some short-sighted and simple people that never really adopted me into their lives. I was born without connection. I was raised as a child in a unsophisticated environment by very basic and uneducated folk and not accepted. They lived in trauma, fear and self-centeredness. I was not understood and my value as a new pet wore off quickly. Yes, I felt like just a pet. The only dog I ever had as a child lived outside chained up. I was controlled like my dog named Lucky. Funny thing is I did not recognize the pain I went through. I didn’t know that I was treated very poorly. That was my normal. As I grew, I realized that familial love was not around me. I wasn’t raised like other children with family vacations or attention for being their special human or with a head start by having love, connection, money or taught about how Life works. I wasn’t spoken to with respect or uniqueness or educated with knowledge or wisdom. Probably many are raised this way and certainly many are raised much worse. I was clinically depressed from childhood because of these things. High school was an incredibly hard time. I had no idea how to love myself or others. I always very much felt like an outsider. In fact, I had no understanding of attachment, love, support or loyalty. I was sold out often and beaten down for being “bad” and for thinking differently. I was always to blame. Anyway, the purpose of this explanation is not to talk about my poor home training as we used to say down South. I just am setting the stage for the important gift of my death. Yes, I died. You have to die to be reborn.
I continued in my depressed state until my rebirth of awakening. I only woke up from my death because of the modeling of love or lack of via my environment. I learned some really passive aggressive things from the mother I was given to. I learned to talk shit about anyone to make myself look better. I learned how to judge everyone around me to make myself feel better. I had such self hate so I scattered this toxicity everywhere I went. I didn’t know how else to be. I only surrounded myself with toxic people because they understood me. A bright light was frustrating. It pointed out my negativity and I saw the dust and cobwebs in the corners of my soul. Thankfully, eventually, the bottom fell out in my life. I had nothing because I made nothing with Love. I had no Love for myself which is transferred to others. All I had was one person that still unconditionally loved me and that was my sister. She still was putting up boundaries however in her own self love, in order for her not to be intoxicated by my hate I spewed.
My best friend, my sister, gave me a book called The Power of Now by Eckhardt Tolle when I finally imploded. This book rocked my world. I never knew about the present moment. I was always in the past and future. I was bitter and angry and jealous because I was in the past and it is all I knew.
I never had reading comprehension because I could not be present. I was so traumatized by my upbringing that I could not focus on what was happening in the Now. I was so worried and anxious based on what had happened to me in the past. I was scolded by my 1st grade teacher for not finishing Dr. Doolittle. I explained that I tried and she probably thought I didn’t. I remember working so hard to focus on reading through it, but I would get drowsy and be somewhere else and keep reading the same paragraph over and over as I could not be present to remember what I read. My reading problems never stopped. I never read anything except short articles on what I wanted to learn even as I was older.
The Power of Now changed everything. I made my way through that book fairly quickly to my surprise. I started learning to be present and I began to be able to read and remember and understand the more as I was able to be present. It was a process and took work to learn this skill. I was able to empty my mind eventually. I was able to meditate and focus. I was starting over with nothing except for my friendship and the support of my sister. I had to completely rebuild the way I thought and lived. I made pretty fast progress as I was devouring all the Wisdom I was being presented with. I started listening to books and lectures by Eckhardt Tolle on YouTube along with anyone else mentioned to me.
I may learn some Wisdom with the epiphanies I receive, but it is the practice that fully teaches. It is like when a friend is bitching about something and I realize that there is a book that addresses this issue in an amazing way. I will say … Oh, you should read this book and they reply scoffing … Oh, I’ve read that book. Like just reading something will heal you. No! You have to practice the concept daily. You don’t just read how to play guitar and suddenly you play like Stevie Ray Vaughn … you have to practice daily to be good at it. Even then, it is your style of guitar playing that becomes reality. It is a combination of the epiphany and the practice that will get you to your destination. It took a lot of practice and some very difficult situations to get me where I am today. I have not arrived, but I have learned so much Wisdom and have grown into who I am now. I am still under construction. I went through a dragonfly metamorphosis.
It is the present moment that started this metamorphosis. It is still one of the most important concepts to me along with other Wisdom like self love, freedom and liberty and the unity of man and God. I am in situations often that I wish would progress how I desire, but they are what they are and instead of me being in the future and creating strife and chiding others, I must be present, enjoy the moment, be thankful for all that I have in this moment and allow what is. I need to occupy myself with how I can love myself in these situations. I must remind myself to focus on the love I can give myself NOW and not be in the future. This will give me happiness and not create strife in these relationships. This is a gift and all situations are growth opportunities. Being present with what is and refocusing my thoughts on the Now and Me is important for my happiness. When in the present moment, I can be kind to everyone including myself by accepting that what is right now is absolutely perfect. All my choices and thoughts have created this moment for me. I have all the abilities and resources available for me and if I do not think I do then I can ask for them and know that I am worthy to receive what I need. I am not a victim. I never have been. I am always in choice and I chose this moment. I must make new choices related to this present moment of Now.
I have it made in life actually. Life and happiness is a perspective. Just like viewing a glass that is half-full versus seeing the glass as half-empty. I have a truly abundant life full of love for myself and love from friends and my sister. I have a very good life full of ease and luxury. Everything always works out for me and I always land on my feet. If I stumble, I get back up and that’s when I’m back on my feet. I can get out of balance and focus on the past and future if I choose to do so. I am not punished either for “mistakes” or choosing anything less than positive. I am not judged unless I judge myself. Falling down is how we learn. I can only have joy and learn when in the present moment. In fact, you cannot really grow unless you are here right now.
I am thankful for so much. I am thankful for the difficult environment I was raised in that I chose before incarnating here. We have choice here on Earth. That is so amazing. A Loving God wouldn’t put us in pain. We knew that our difficult situations we encounter will give us the growth we desire. Without the contrast and pain, I wouldn’t see a need to grow. I am thankful for the awakening that I had after growing up in difficult situations. I am thankful for the Wisdom I learn now and have learned in past lives that I never lose. I am thankful for my sister who stood by me and helped me when I was down. I am thankful for this moment now in which I am passionate about. I am thankful for my life which is my Divine True Self. I am thankful for you because you are teaching me and helping me move forward and learn the Wisdom right Now. The list can go on and on.
The present moment is important for me to remember always. It centers me and grounds me when I am heightened. It gives me hope and perspective when I catch myself in the past. My story is similar to many other life stories, however I want to say that we can all change and being present allow us to begin again every second.
Leave a Reply