I was just reading an article about making friends IRL as opposed to the carefully crafted discussions that compose a typed conversation in online friendships. In Real Life is a strange name. It puts separation from being online to not being online. IRL sort of insinuates that you are not really living when online. The article talks a little about vulnerability and how it is necessary and what results when face to face with others. Of course, a picture is worth a thousand words, so we read a lot into any conversation with visual cues and other sensory discoveries about whomever we encounter IRL. Face to face conversations involves a bit more than a digital one.
Fear is what is behind our inability to be vulnerable. We can’t feel vulnerable without fear. Feeling vulnerable is fear based, but being vulnerable is strength. Being vulnerable is Knowing that God has our back, how big we actually are and the power we weld. We don’t have to be in fear when you know you cannot fail. We are going to stumble over some obstacles that come our way. Small mistakes are actually necessary to learn and be better. So, how fast can you learn and be better? This is the question that matters because we have to make little mistakes to learn. There will be obstacles that come our way. We can believe in ourselves by Knowing that we will fall down sometimes, but we can recover and learn quickly and achieve. All of this leads to expertise. We Know we will get better when we allow ourselves fall and learn. Vulnerability is needed for learning. This can be similar to Humility. I know I don’t know everything. I know I can learn from every situation and gain confidence which leads to mastery.
So, what do we get afraid of when involved in face to face conversations? Are we afraid of what the other person may think of us? Why? Why are they more important? Why do you perceive them as better? Our self worth is the biggest problem most people have. When we are not One and separate from God and our brothers and sisters, we compare. With enough fear, you will think they are better than you. Our culture builds this lie by showing some celebrity with more money or power or fame or whatever and tells us that this is what we are to strive for. The media is the voice of our culture. A lot of money is made from promoting fear.
Of course, there are reasons some of the younger generations have difficulty with IRL conversations and relationships. Kids being raised with the ability to isolate themselves with their phone or computer and interact via texting contributes to the challenge, along with being raised during the pandemic. Since the COVID pandemic, there is plenty of room for spending time with others online, kind of like working from home. Many companies are not back to the prior mandates for working in the office.
I want to give the younger generations a bit of a break because of some nurturing by our technology and parenting. This helps us remember that face to face communication takes practice. Even when using the telephone, you must be spontaneous. There is a skill to speaking to others. You are live and impromptu with responses. You must maintain composure. You must understand timing and interjection. You must know when to think about what you are about to say and know when you are to say what comes to mind for the sake of brain to brain riffing, as well as comedic timing. Anyway, us old timers forget how much skill it takes to communicate effectively face to face.
So with face to face communication, there is a skill set that needs to be practiced to be good at it. Those that are not so good may have anxiety which is a lack of belief in themselves and their abilities to learn from falling down. Maybe some are just plain scared of falling down. Whether it is the pain of falling or the fear of falling in front of others, fear is the basis for our inability to have vulnerability. Remember, vulnerability is the strength to face your fears. Not afraid of falling and believing in yourself enough to get back up and try again overcomes our apprehension of being vulnerable. You know that all the pros have to do that everyday. It is called practicing. It is the heartbroken warrior definition. We can open up about anything because those scoffing or laughing are hiding that they do the same thing all the time. Haters know deep down how powerful vulnerability is and they are terrified.
So how do we stop being in fear? There are only two things … Love & fear. Fear isn’t even real. It is a lie created out of separation. Actually, there is only Love. When we are united with God and other souls here on Earth, there is not fear. We are all One. We are the same and equal. This is Love. You can always test anything by asking … Is this out of Love or fear? This is where I understand how Love wins. Fear creates more lies and more isolation. Fear creates acting out with ill intent. Fear is behind shyness, as well as fear of vulnerability. Deflecting with your words is like putting up a shield. Putting up walls and not letting people in is fear based.
We must learn about how we are ridiculously unique. Comparing ourselves to others is not apples to apples. We are all so different and have different skills and deficiencies. We are constantly changing and evolving so even comparing our current self to our former self isn’t fair. Remember, we regrow all of our cells every 7 years. So you are a physically different person than 10 years ago. We grow and change and hone our skills to be more like Christ. We have to remember how special we are. Every soul that is born is made because it is unique and no other soul is like it. So, we are all very unique children of our Creator.
We can learn from being vulnerable. We cannot fall down and learn without being vulnerable to fall down. We are going to have situations where we fall down in front of a crowd or someone we want to impress. We are all falling, except some of us are better at hiding that. Anyway, we must remember that we are unique humans and we all have skills and insight that are valuable. We can be in front of others and make a mistake. Like Ted Lasso sees people as their potential and not of who they are, we must see everyone as One and full of life changing potential and unique qualities. With Love, we support ourselves, everyone and everything. We can be fearless and allow ourselves to grow through vulnerability.
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