How do you fall in love with “what is” when you have been let down and disappointed?
What a great question!
I lived my life being lied to and promised things that never came. Often, we are presented with the same situation repeatedly until we learn how to navigate that situation without thinking or being affected by the emotional attachment to what was expected. How difficult can this be? As difficult as we want to make it. If we ignore it or respond the same way over and over it becomes very difficult. I ask myself … Is it my ego that is attached to the outcome I am wanting or expecting? Am I looking outside myself for my expected happiness or satisfaction? Certainly, I will tend to believe what someone will tell me and make plans regarding what they said they would do especially when I trust and care about them a lot. This is a fine expectation since you love and trust someone. Every action has an outcome. What do you do when the outcome is not what was expected? What about when a person says they will do something and do not do it and it isn’t the first time it happened. I go back to family situations where I would wait by the window or on a curb with expectation. To my big surprise, my emotional response is my responsibility even when I may have been treated unfairly.
So how am I to overcome a disappointment? A person must find Joy in exactly “what is”. Certainly, we can analyze how we feel about “what is” and make a choice to make “what is” different. Falling in love with “what is” involves embracing the present moment and accepting the reality of any situation as it is and cultivating a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for life beyond this outcome. This concept is rooted in mindfulness, acceptance, and other spiritual lessons gained from adversity. It takes rain for flowers to grow! We are prone to attach to expected outcomes. What about how uncertainty can be a gift? I hate being disappointed and sad. I think we all can say that. I do know that staying in that low vibration is my choice and I have a personal responsibility to act. I can lift myself at any point and I am always in every minute able to choose what course to take.
Today, I became disappointed when I expected a person to follow through with what they told me they would do. It did not happen. I know I need to not make assumptions. I know that the person is in a situation of being stretched thin to the point of splitting and breaking and tries to accommodate everyone except for themself. This is not my problem and I have discussed this in the past, therefore I cannot take on other people’s problems even though I may think I have solutions.
My first response to this was to become present and feel my feelings. I decided to pay attention to my thoughts and emotions and understand where they are rooted. I know that I have had childhood trauma from this type of situation, but I know the present moment has nothing to do with my past unless I take that on in the present as my identity. If anything, I was in the now even though I did not like how I felt. I could observe my feelings without being them. I consciously chose not to be a victim or be the identity of abandonment, neglect or rejection. I am no longer that person. I am new.
I do not want to have resistance to how I feel as well. I am not to be the emotion, but to observe it and lift it. Fighting the situation will create sadness and disappointment. Leaning in and feeling it helps me know I don’t like it and must move upward. Life is always unpredictable and in flux. We must know we cannot control it. Change is in every second. My control of the “perfection” of an outcome is boring and impossible, therefore negative emotions will erupt. I hate to be controlling because it is a past habit and fear based. I do not want to control outcomes. Imperfection is so beautiful. Imperfection defines variety which is the spice of life. Every challenging obstacle is a learning moment. I just had to say … “This situation is not unfamiliar. I have not handled it well in the past and I want to grow and learn and handle it well now. This is happening now and it is totally okay. I am alive, breathing and can control my reactions in life. I am learning and each unpredictable moment is a gift. My emotions are useful tools to recognize how I feel and where I am so I can move in a better direction toward Love. All of what I desire is inside me.”
Cultivating gratitude is when you sow the seeds of allowing any outcome you cannot control. Letting those infant plants grow to be the thankfulness for all I have. I am seeing the mature trees now of me being all I need. I can appreciate my strength and growth. I can be thankful for the Wisdom I am being given to learn and grow in difficult situations. I am not lacking, but have all I need inside me even when disappointed. I am abundant with Joy beyond what I can imagine and this experience is showing me.
This and every situation like this is helping me let go of the need for things to be different. Life truly unfolds as it should when we Trust the only thing that controls everything beyond ourselves which is the Source of all creation. By Knowing this, I can detach from my perceived outcome of what I think will be my happiness. I can only control myself which encompasses my vibration and my desires which in turn controls my outcomes. All of the challenges in forms of unrequested change are opportunities for me to achieve my purposes and goals in life. These opportunities are actually not obstacles, but gifts of growth and essentially I can receive a medal for the achievement I made which will be a reminder of the skill I gained through this encounter.
Nature is a great example of how it allows and accepts all the occurrences that come. It could be a hurricane or a tornado or a wildfire that nature allows. We experience these in our lives and freak out. We let our ego get involved and cry victim. Nature never does this. It knows that the fires from lightening kill the old brush and if that dead brush accumulated too much, then it would be a fire so big that it would destroy the topsoil and nothing would grow. It knows that the frequent fires are small enough to rid it of the old growth and the ash would feed the ground. There is an ease of living and simplicity in nature that we can view and adopt. Nature effortlessly accepts “what is”. One season turns gradually into another and storms come and go. There is no resistance. It doesn’t fight, worry or feel anxious about what is coming next.
I desire to learn compassion toward myself as I try to have it for others. This is next level for me as I focus on compassion toward others, neglect giving to myself and satisfying my own needs for love. I must remember that nothing usually goes as planned. That doesn’t mean it won’t go well. It just means there isn’t a script we can memorize. We don’t have to know the ending to act out the role. We can be in the moment with the feelings and thoughts that come, yet adjust our vibration when we see our emotions spasm. Keep in mind that emotions are just energy in motion. We can control our energies and we can lift ourselves when we are low. We cannot stop the motion. We cannot stop the flow of the river. We can use the current to move ourselves though. We must flow and change the energy like alchemy. Lead will become gold. We are to be like our Creator which is Only Love which is the highest vibration. Lift yourself to the highest you can be. Why wouldn’t you want to? I am part of the change and flow of life that comes and my situations reflect this. If I am letting go and not fighting the current, then I can be the current and essentially be one with the flow of life. My situation is perfect and I am enough just the way I am.
Each day, I desire and try to take a few moments to pause and say to myself: “This is it. This is where I am supposed to be. God knows exactly where I am and what I need. God has my back and only gives me good things. This moment and situation I am in is perfect and exactly what will help me to grow and flourish with abundance. I have the perfect situation to learn and accomplish what I came here for. I have all of the answers available for the solution. This is life. It is absolutely perfect as it is.” Doing this helps me fall in love with “what is” which is this present moment. Be here now. Love here now.
Leave a Reply