I had a really difficult day yesterday. There is a lot to what went on. Yesterday on February 3rd, I had a reading from my incredible medium Wendy D’Angelo. This just happened to land on a divine portal date. The 3/3 portal is an activation gateway for spiritual alignment, personal empowerment and the embodiment of Divine Truth. The number 33, the Master Teacher, calls us into higher Wisdom, Truth, and Service. The number 33 is deeply associated with Christ. Yeshua was 33 years old at the time of his resurrection. The human spine has 33 vertebrae which symbolizes the spiritual ascent toward enlightenment. Three three represents Divine Wisdom which is the highest form of mastery attained through selfless service and inner illumination. I received Divine Wisdom and learned a higher level of Mastery for sure.
It is really interesting how I have been so incredibly in flow and on my Path for the past little while. The last week was amazing starting with the 2/22 – February 22nd – portal opening and culminating in the 3/3 portal. Things were so incredibly in synchronicity and falling into place like the most intricate puzzle pieces during this time. I have never seen such flow before in my own life or have been so happy and on my Path, but like the Hermetic Principle of Rhythm states … “Everything flows, out and in; everything has it’s tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum-swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates.” The tides are such a great example of this. There is a high tide and low tide. Each is perfectly balanced.
My life will also reflect a rhythm. A ball bounces up and down. Even though I have been riding high on this magical and divine flying carpet, the rug was totally ripped out from underneath me and I fell and crashed and got hurt. This isn’t the first time that this has happened in my life as I hearken back to my spinal cord injury over a year ago. That incident ended up being exactly what was needed to get my attention and put me on the path of self-love. It was one of greatest gifts I have ever had. My thoughts now are that I hope yesterday was of the same design.
In my medium reading, I had some big revelations starting with my name. The very first words were … Heartbroken Warrior must end! I was already devastated within the first 30 seconds. What do you mean this is not a good name? It was given to me in a prior medium reading. It is the basis of the book I am writing! It is the name of the website and blog and I have 6 domain names related to this name! I was already devastated and crushed by this and other difficult information I was given. I literally cried myself to sleep uttering prayers last night. Usually my readings are so wonderful and full of information and inspiration. They change the course of my life and put me on a new Path. I seem to get my readings when I am struggling and maybe have deviated off my True Path. This time I got a reading when nothing could be better in my life. So, what could go wrong?
Rhythm happens. It is a governing principle of the Universe. It takes a good rain to bring flowers and strong friction to sharpen a knife. To be riding so high, only to fall and have sea legs where I had difficulty standing was very unexpected. I realize I had to fall in order to ascend to a higher ground of enlightenment like this portal promises. On this portal date, I got hurt on on landing from my fall. I felt the pain of my fall in an emotional way as I did with my physical pain of my spinal cord injury. Like the spinal injury, I Know that I will find this as a gift … an unexpected gift. I will gain further spiritual alignment, personal empowerment and have an embodiment of Divine Truth. I will move into a higher Wisdom, Truth, and Service. The news I received was hard, but for my growth. It was given out of Love and for my development to be more like Christ. I have a choice in how I receive it. I choose to be open to learn. I welcome what is to come.
A few interesting things were shared with me from my Guide and other Soul Family in Spirit. I won’t go into all of them as I can reserve some things for myself and my process, but one of the things that happened was I met face to face with my Guide. My medium guided me to find a place where I meet with my Guide. Basically, this was on a vortex in Sedona. This was in a guided meditation that brought me to this place. I was deeply in a trance-like state like where I have been in ayahuasca ceremonies and other transformative times. I asked for my strong and wise Guide to sit in front of me and speak. He gave me a gift in a box and as I opened it, I realized it was a knife that he gave me. It was a Bowie knife. It had a big silver blade and was wrapped in leather with feathers dangling from the handle. I knew that this was to be used for cutting ties. I tend to attach to love. My perception of love is rare and comes from a few very select people. I knew from the other information I received in this reading who I was to separate from and other ties I am to cut. I knew that I was to separate from the name Heartbroken Warrior. I was told this was no longer my name. I have grown and as I say, the present moment has no relationship with the past. The past is just data that has gotten me to where I am and that is the only thing I can be in relation to with my past. I am brand new every moment unless I decide to identify with my past regarding who I am. I am not my past. I am not rejected, neglected or abandoned any longer. I am no longer heartbroken. I was told that I was now a compassionate warrior. I will be tenderhearted. I am now the Tenderhearted Warrior and that will be my new web address and name. I will address this in the future in my book about how we change and grow and when we identify with our past then we continue to take on those traits. Words are power and we are magicians with our words. We cast spells with our language, especially negative spells on ourselves when we use self-deprecating humor or negative descriptions of ourselves that is rooted in false humility. We continue to live in that shadow as long as we say it. Our words are vibrations and they affect our spiritual vibration and the spiritual vibration of those who hear those words. I hate to hear others speak negatively about themselves. My heart will literally ache when this happens. I want to always be aware of when I may unknowingly do so. I appreciate friends who will correct me.
My new website address is tenderheartedwarrior.com, but I will have heartbrokenwarrior.com redirect to that. Give me a little time to set up the administration of this move. I have healed and grown. I am new this moment and while the history is that I was a heartbroken warrior, my heart has been mended and this change will help me be aware of the heartbreak around me so that I can acknowledge and support with boundaries what I see.
Something I wrote about in the blog “Splashing and Gulping Water” is that I have a compassionate tendency and earnestly desire to help others. My healing is the most important thing in my life. It has been remarkable enough to change me dramatically and I always want to share this and help others heal who may be struggling. I am out of balance in this earnest intention however. No matter my good intention, I actually help others to struggle longer when I rescue without their invitation. Like the rich man’s money, I do not allow someone to bottom out or learn to swim when I do this. I want to be like the seemingly uncompassionate Zen Master that watches someone drowning while they sit on the shore. Until they ask for a life jacket, he cannot help them. They must desire and learn to save themselves. I just postpone their growth and healing by bailing people out of their gift of struggle. It is like the caterpillar that is struggling to get out of the cocoon. If I try to open it for them, they will not develop their wing muscles and fall out of the cocoon and never be able to fly. The tough love of the Zen Master is a higher form of Love, Compassion and help that I could never understand.
My new knife given by my Guide is to cut the ties of my unbalanced desire to help others and learn how to truly help myself and those I love. I am doing a disservice to them and myself when I intervene when unrequested. This was a true gift from my Compassionate Guide. This knife was symbolic and a necessary tool for my own healing and to truly help others. It is consistent that when I learn a lesson, I need further lessons to truly learn it. I don’t seem to learn on the first acknowledgment. This will drive my sister crazy as she has seen this repeatedly.
I can hold “space” for someone I love and let them figure things out themselves. I can help if asked, but otherwise I need to keep my damn mouth shut. Their answers are inside them and I am disrespecting God and them by trying to intervene. This all relates to boundaries. I respect my boundaries and theirs when I allow those I love to feel their pain, struggle like a caterpillar and find their own answers. Boundaries are another example of me receiving multiple lessons. I am using my new knife to cut the ties of control and the habit of low-level helping. I am so thankful for the many gifts of yesterday. They are hard earned, but highly valued. Maybe we value most the things that are difficult to gain and put into action. I so value my gifts of Spiritual Wisdom and the lessons I have learned that support my transformation from caterpillar to butterfly. Who needs a carpet to fly on when I have butterfly wings.
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