I had some finality with cutting ties today. As I posted before, I was given a knife while in a meditation. It was a symbolic gift. This knife was given by my Spiritual Guide who is an Ascended Master in spirit. He is very wise and has a vibration that is powerful. The knife was to cut the ties that bind me. I am bound to many weights that drag me down in the water I am told. The more I hold on to these ropes tethered to weights, the more I am being dragged down. I must let go of these ties and quit being taken under the water by those I attach to.
I used to have hundreds of “friends”. I was popular and liked by others that were in a very large community. Like attracts like and toxicity attracts toxicity. Unfortunately, I continued to grow in a narcissistic way that hurt others. These negative attitudes and behaviors were modeled for me in my youth and I always attached to those that were similar to me. Those that exhibit negative traits are extremely wounded. If we could see those wounds, we would be disgusted with the site of them. This was me. I needed other wounded “friends” who were negative and angry and dangerous. I finally hit a bottom started to become more and more alienated. Luckily, my sister stuck around, but she wasn’t very happy with me. At my very bottom, I had to grow and change unless I wanted to wallow in the muck of the swamp I was in. I screamed for help and suddenly I was reborn into a lotus flower. I began to bloom and become who I am today. I am healed, still a work in progress and now clean like a lotus flower.
There are many people I love dearly. I am not connected any longer to a lot of friends as I saw their weight that was bringing me down. I cut those ties long ago. These friends were really just acquaintances and basically those I trauma bonded and escaped the pain with. I spend a lot of time with myself now as this is my beautiful Path. I learned to love myself and it is of course a work in progress as I gain new Wisdom everyday. I couldn’t spend but a few minutes in the past alone because of my self-loathing. I have an old acquaintance I will run into occasionally that told me he has to go out every night to a different bar to drink because he cannot be with himself. This saddened me so much, but showed me how much I have grown. There are still a few people I am attached to. They are the ones I love and cling to as a mother or brother or lover. It is interesting however, I can still try too hard to be close and hold on to them. I just want to share and help them when I see ways they can grow. I mentioned in past blogs how I am now learning to not help which is even more wise and kind. I think I hold too tightly. I have history of past of abuse along with neglect, abandonment and rejection. This makes me attach hard to a few people that I find beautiful. These people I consider family since I did not have true family in this lifetime. I know I chose this as I am definitely not a victim. I see myself holding tightly and that can suffocate and hurt others. They can become resentful or even not want to engage and back off quietly leaving me wondering why I am rejected. This hurts. I might find a mother figure or a brotherman or a lover that I deeply desire. I have learned that the best thing for me and them is to cut the ties of attachment that are dragging me down and irritate those I love.
My knife is my new friend. I want to carry this tool so I can use it when I am needing it. Again, this is an symbolic knife I must use to cut my attachments and assistance when I am not asked. Even though I love them so dearly, it is best for all if I let go of these connections until I can heal my wounds further. This may mean stepping away as a positive boundary in Love. I have friends who are hurting themselves that I cannot watch abuse themselves. There are friends that are giving nonreciprocal love back to me. I have friends that are needing to learn how to fly and I cannot open their cocoon for them because it hinders their growth. I have connections that are not helpful for myself or others that I have become aware of. I must use my knife. It is sharp.
I am the knife as well. It takes friction to sharpen a knife and I must have become dull because I am sustaining a lot of friction right now. I didn’t even know how dull I became. Thankfully, my Spirit Guide, my Soul Family in Spirit and essentially our Creator are giving me gifts of lessons to learn the Wisdom of the Universe. I want to stay open to those lessons so I can grow and become healthy. I want my wounds to heal. I don’t want to disgust others. I am using self-care to heal my wounds.
I am also a lotus flower. A lotus flower is so special and unique. Not only does it boast beautiful blooms, but it also has the remarkable ability to clean itself! It’s leaves are so water repellent that when water falls on them, the water droplets bead up and gather the dirt and debris and roll off of the leaf. My rainstorms are here to clean me. Not only is the lotus such a beautiful flower, it represents an amazing symbol of transformation and new beginnings. It grows out of the muck just like I am doing. This odd place this flower will grow and its sheer beauty reminds us of spiritual enlightenment. This unique flower shows us we can rise above any difficult situation and grow exactly where we may find ourselves no matter how dark or deep those places may be. The lotus is a reminder to stay grounded while in life’s mud. We can remember exactly who we are while allowing ourselves to grow via the gift of adverse experiences and gain Wisdom from those difficult times. We can have equanimity knowing this is just a cycle and an opportunity to grow. When a good rain comes, the grass in my yard will double or triple in height overnight. Despite the muddy conditions of our lives, we can remain pure at heart Knowing we are a perfect flower and still maintain our integrity as we go through life’s trials and tribulations. The lotus teaches us that miracles happen within the struggles we face.
Something important for me to remember is that we do not have to struggle however to learn Wisdom. We can allow the rain to come. While challenges and difficulties can be powerful teachers, they are also not the only path to Spiritual Wisdom. I can focus on just being and accepting and allowing rather than striving. When we live authentically accepting our True Self and our small self including our shadow, Wisdom will flow naturally. I can accept “what is” because resistance to reality creates the struggle. Nature does not resist. I can learn to listen to my intuition since the Spirit of God is inside us and is omniscient. I can trust the subtle messages all situations provide. Doing this will cultivate Love, Compassion, and Empathy for myself and others. An open heart and Humility is the gateway to Spiritual Wisdom. When I approach life with Love, I naturally align with higher truths. By cultivating Presence, Openness, and Trust, I know that I can gain profound insights with greater ease and grace. Remember, the journey is actually the destination and every moment holds the potential for growth and understanding.
I typically ask myself … “What is this moment teaching me?” or “How can I grow from this experience?” Joy, Love and Gratitude can be profound teachers. I want to practice being fully present in the moment during all times and feel my feelings. By observing life as it unfolds no matter the situation, I can gain insights more easily. Gaining Spiritual Wisdom is a journey of self-discovery, contrast, reflection, and growth. While struggle and difficulty are common aspects of this journey, there are ways to cultivate Spiritual Wisdom with greater ease and flow without such a struggle. I desire to practice more allowance and acceptance in any situation knowing that with equanimity all things ebb and flow. There is an immaculate Plan in each opportunity we encounter regardless how difficult it may seem.
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