I have always had questions about the concept of righteous anger. It seems like an oxymoron. How can these two words be related or even complimentary? Anger has always seemed like it is not appropriate and should be analyzed and exhibited as a last resort. If anything, I have always felt like emotions that are negative can be used to lead us to inspect our condition and lift us to a higher vibration of Love. Anger is low on the Abraham-Hicks emotional scale. It is number 17 out of 22. Look this scale up that I have referenced before in your favorite search engine. I love this scale as I feel it accurately represents the Love and fear spectrum for observing our emotions.
We can be the observers of our emotions without actually taking them on and living in that vibration. We can use our watching ability when we feel pain and lift ourselves to a better emotion. Our emotions are energy in motion. We are energy since we are all a vibration and our feelings represent our energy. Everything has vibration and are energy. Everything pulsates since everything has an electron rotating around a nucleus. Not everything has emotions though. That is why nature is such an amazing teacher. Nature is always that the highest vibration which is only Love. We are a frequency and when we are higher on the scale I mentioned, we have a higher vibration. This is pure science.
Anger generally leads to more negative vibrations as fear’s role is to create more fear. We can spiral and go to worse states of being like moving to revenge, hatred, rage, jealousy, insecurity, guilt, unworthiness and essentially grief, desperation, despair and powerlessness which are all forms of fear. However, anger can sometimes be positive I have learned.
Jesus expressed some extreme anger when he drove the money changers out of the temple. This was written in the New Testament of the Bible in Matthew 21:12-13. His anger was directed at the profane behavior of vendors in the sacred space of worship and it led to a call for restoring holiness. I think this was a reaction to the heresy of organized religion and how the church has lost it’s meaning and calling to spirituality rather than the orthodoxy of a vacant relationship with tradition and not with our Creator. I am slightly digressing. The point is Jesus got pissed off. He was mad and had enough. He saw a holy and sacred place being bastardized into being a business. Do we ever see this now?
I recently got to a similar place where I was dealing with a relationship where I was acquiescing often. I gave and allowed various circumstances and behaviors to a point of self-harm. I didn’t realize this was happening. I would allow actions and make excuses and I allowed my self-worth to be in question. It is funny how when we are in the middle of a situation, we cannot see things so clearly. I want to say I was never being abused intentionally or even hurt outright. This person has such a pure heart and I must mention that I allowed myself to get into a place of being a last priority. I made excuses for some behaviors that caused me sadness or even harm. It takes two to tango. It is like how an abused spouse has the same blame as the abuser. I honestly did not realize I was in this position as much as the other friend did not realize they were putting me in that position. It is a form of codependency.
I got to a place recently where I finally had enough. This was after many conversations about the issue. I would raise concerns and then compromise and forget and be right back in that same situation. Again, I want to point no blame or point blame to both parties. I have mentioned that I am so hard headed and it takes so many times for me to wake up and change. This has gone on for a long time and I expect it will continue in my life to some extent. However, I am aware more and more now and hope I am learning from my many experiences.
I got angry! I had a conversation where I found out some expectations the other person has and after a long time of voicing grievances, I finally realized that I am being a fool. To say I was being taken advantage of would cast blame on the other person which is not very fair. I just allowed a lot of discomfort for myself that hurt often. I often made explanations why this was occurring and understood the conditions and situations I allowed myself to be in. This anger finally helped me put down the hard boundaries for self-love that I tried to have many times. I even pointed this behavior out in my friend who is in a similar position, yet I didn’t see it in myself. I see this happen often with me. I mentioned in past blogs that I am swayed by a need for love and friendship to my own detriment. It took my anger to see how I have been compromising my self-worth and self-esteem. Without the anger, I made excuses and tried to go to a higher form of love for another without considering my own self-love. I tend to question what I may be doing wrong. This is not all bad to have the reflection to see what you can do to change a situation without blaming another. Usually, this is a valuable trait. I tend to always be out of balance with this. It is probably from my childhood of having my spirit broken from extreme discipline. You do not realize what you are worth when you are told you are nothing and should consider everyone’s feelings more than yours. This idea is the true definition of selfishness. Remember, someone telling you how you should be doing something is what selfishness is. When you decide how you want to do something, that is self-love.
Loving yourself is one of our purposes in this lifetime. You cannot heal others when you are wounded. You will be viewed as a hypocrite and mostly you don’t have the capacity to give care to another when you are bedridden and wounded. I have struggled, as I mentioned, with over helping and rescuing when people are not asking for help. This shows me that there are internal wounds that must be healed in me first. I pull myself under water along with those that are drowning. Our cup must be full in order to pour some Love into another person’s cup.
So it took me a while to understand how anger can lead me to self-love. I had to finally get to a place where I had enough. This can take a lot for me. I have a friend in a very abusive marriage. The husband is an extreme narcissist and berates her and controls her and she does not realize her worth. She physically shakes at the idea of confronting him. This isn’t the situation with the person that I had to cut ties with. This is another friend who is in a codependent marriage who is always making excuses to why she cannot leave. He will threaten to kill himself if she left or he will physical abuse her. Like a person with a true Narcissist Personality Disorder, he will literally cry and apologize and go out of his way to do household chores until he feels that he has controlled her enough and then do the same thing again. It is a sick cycle and she is as much to blame as him. I pray daily for her, but I have to stand back and cannot watch her essentially hurt herself by staying with him. Yes, I have tried to rescue her to no avail. This is what I am working on. She must struggle and splash around and gulp water and go under until she has had enough. I just hope she doesn’t get sick or die from this continued cycle before she finally leaves. I realize that I am her as well. I allow myself to be put in situations where I am being hurt and it takes anger to actually give myself the love I deserve.
We all need love. We all deserve to be number one and treated that way in any friendship or relationship. We all must take our power back. It is our birthright to have Joy, Respect, Love and fair treatment. It is so sad to live in lack. We are to have an abundant life. Jesus said in the book of John “I have come so that you may have life and have it abundantly”. We are to have a life that is rich, meaningful and overflowing with blessings, not just in material terms but in a deeper, eternal sense. We are to enjoy life filled with purpose, Freedom, Joy, and Peace.
Anger can be considered helpful, holy or righteous in certain situations when it is directed toward self-love which includes injustice, wrongdoing or harm. It must be expressed constructively such as having proper boundaries. It is fascinating that it takes a lot of pain at times to learn a lesson even if the pain is so subtle that you don’t even recognize it as pain. Frustration is pain. Neglect is pain and abuse. I must find balance in looking inward and looking outward. I tend to look inward and self-blame from my childhood broken spirit. I want to start finding this balance. I am so thankful for my continued frustration that finally led to my anger. It takes a high boiling point for a pot to overflow and make a big mess. Continued simmering will not take you to a point of change. I want to get mad when I am burned and have to clean up a big mess. I want to recognize in the future when I am simmering and if I let that continue to grow it will make a mess in my life. I can stop and recognize when my pot is simmering. At least the mess points me to not doing something that causes me pain again. I am so thankful for the messes in my life even though while I am simmering, I may not realize I am happy.
Anger can be a friend and a positive reaction as long as it is not taking you lower to acting out toward a person or group. It is my responsibility to care for myself and give myself Love. I have all the tools, it is just that I am not so skilled with them all yet. I am learning how to use them however. It just takes patience and grace and time to learn a skill. Even though I may be a slow learner, I am learning and so thankful for the situations I learn from. They are a true gift. Our Creator loves us immensely and is so patient and does not judge us. Our gracious God only wants Love and Abundance and Joy for our lives. We are put in situations that sharpen our knife. It is friction and it takes a good rain for the flowers to bloom. Lets bloom and if it takes anger to do so, then so be it and be thankful!
Leave a Reply