I finally have my website back up and running. It is all new with the new name of Tenderhearted Warrior. All the social media accounts are updated along with the content and graphic design. I still have a few things to do like get my contact form up and running. Luckily, I have a background in web development and a degree in IT. This of course does not translate to my phone technology. I don’t seem to be able to master that for some reason. I need a 14 year old to just do the basics it seems. Just adding a new contact will challenge me.
I haven’t been able to get my blogs posted over the past few days and spent a lot of writing time on redoing the technology with the coding and the back end administration. This has taken a lot of time. I knew this would be the case when I was told that my name Heartbroken Warrior had to change. So, I was frustrated, but I knew it could be done with some effort. I knew it had to be done.
My first response when I was told that I must change my name was just a little frustration. I think I am used to getting news that upends me and I will have to put a lot of effort into a remedy or learning what lesson it holds for me. I knew that the name Heartbroken Warrior goes against how I feel regarding taking on an identity. When we call ourselves recovering or victim or even a survivor, we are still claiming that calamity as our identity. We will create what I learned in high school which is a self-fulfilling prophesy. We will continue to live that trauma just by the words we associate with. We keep living it even though we say we are moving forward. Self-fulfilling describes the power of our words and beliefs. They can be spells or blessings. Something so powerful as the present moment destroys all of this. We may have gone through some rough patches or an assault on some level, but when we say we are heartbroken or wounded, we carry that victimhood or trauma into the next moment. I used to say … “I am overcoming neglect, rejection and abandonment”. I had a rough early life, but that isn’t who I am. I am in control of every second. I have a choice every moment that I can make. The heartbreak I had gave me opportunities to grow and move beyond victimhood. I have a tender heart because of the difficult experiences I underwent in the past. I can use those difficult times to teach and be compassionate.
I personally believe that we choose these roles in life before we incarnate here. We choose who will betray us and step on our heals. These people that do hurtful things to us are so loved by us and are probably our closest friends in the life in between lives before we incarnate here on Earth in this lifetime. We also do damaging things to others that we choose to do and yet beyond the heartbreak, it is for the benefit of all. We can learn from the friction we encounter. Our knives get sharper. Those that are a rock in our shoe are here to do so for us to be blessed from what we can learn and also to receive our blessings when we understand this. It actually may be their purpose. Yes! We can actually give a blessing to those that hurt us by forgiving and practicing unconditional Love. This isn’t an easy thing to do and may be one of our biggest purposes and lessons to learn this go around so we can level up.
I had to be patient in the website changes that happened. This is a consistent lesson for me now. I am in a situation of needing to cut ties and have space from various people and situations. Being patient is almost a negative however. It is like waiting at your own detriment. It is as if you are uncomfortable and wanting to be in the next moment, but you will just remain miserable for as long as you have to because you see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am not saying there is wrongness in being patient. When you are in the moment however, you are not waiting. You are enjoying what is. You are enthralled with being able to stand in line. You are thankful for the time or the ability to stand and breathe or acknowledging the pleasure of being alive. Every moment is a special time to be alive. What is getting to the next moment going to do for you anyway? It is going to happen. The place we want to be isn’t any better if we get there sooner. We still have to be in the moment when we get there to fully enjoy it. I see so many people in such a hurry to get somewhere and when they are there, they just want to get to the next place faster. We must take time to smell the roses. We see people accomplish major feats and when they achieve their goal, all they can think about is the next goal. We are just hurrying up to die. What if we actually were in every moment? We could actually taste and enjoy our food rather than gulping down big bites without fully chewing and finding the pleasure that food gives to our taste buds. People who are not multitasking or even just sitting and doing nothing are ridiculed as wasting their time. Are they wasting time or are they actually using and enjoying time?
I went to Sedona the other day and it was so nice to just sit and take in the beauty of Oak Creek and the view from the top of a vortex. This cleansed my soul. I felt enthralled with the wonder of Nature and it truly fed my soul via my senses. I loved every moment of the drive and ate at a wonderful Lisa Dahl restaurant. The highlight was sitting and doing nothing. Listening and seeing was so entertaining to my ears and eyes. It was true meditation. I learned from Nature and how it does not strive or resist. It just is and allows and is jovial in it’s being. This is a goal for me. I want to be like Nature is and in every moment I have so that I can bask in the now. I want to take it all in and not be waiting or patient. I want to learn from life happening all around me.
So, this website thing was a challenge and used my time, but I knew it would get finished. Maybe my blogs would be put on hold for a few days. I love writing and sharing. It is very much for my pleasure and cathartic for my growth. I learn so much as I write. As I say, I am not telling anyone what to do or how to do. I am just sharing what I learn. One of my best friends insinuated that they have thought about blogging, but they aren’t so narcissistic to need to be seen like that. I was a little hurt even though it was said in such a passive way. I knew though that I do not do it to be seen or heard. I blog because I was told to do so by my Spirit Guide, just like he told me to write a book and what that book will be about. I was told to write blogs to build my book structure, get content, practice my writing and mostly for my benefit of personal growth.
There was something for me to learn from my website being down. I probably needed a break and kill the dogma of a “daily” blog. I don’t want a daily pressure to publish. I want to write for the pleasure of the moment … to be in joy and to enjoy being in that moment. We will never have this moment again. It is gone and we cannot have it back. I want to have true gratitude for the privilege of being alive and for the allowance to have this moment. I want to enjoy the freedom to write my thoughts and learn from doing so. I can have the gratitude and enjoyment of being in the now with my awareness of this gift we have all been given. When we are in gratitude, we are in Love. We can love ourselves and others when we Know the gift of this moment we are given. I can enjoy the moments of frustration and pleasure when I reframe those moments as a gift. Again, we can never get this moment back so we must make good use of and relish this time we are given. Don’t wait … enjoy!
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