Attraction and Growth

We attract what we judge until we no longer judge what we attract.
~ Robert Edward Grant

I love this quote so much. If you do not know who Robert Edward Grant is, then you can easily research this current polymath. He has deep Wisdom of spirituality, as well as being a genius in the areas of Math, Science, Music, Art, Literature and Language. This list can go on regarding his mastery, but he is like Leonardo Di Vinci. He has brought the hard sciences and the Wisdom of our Universe into Unity.

So, what does this quote mean? We live in a dualistic world. There is polarization and we learn from opposites and mistakes. This is why there is no judgment in mistakes which would equal sin. We are here to make mistakes and we are not judged by God for these. God only Loves and wants us to become One. Certainly, there is Karma both in this lifetime on Earth and continues from one lifetime to another and this is used for our learning. Heinous acts like the ones Hitler did are the worst, however shockingly, he is also a child of God like all people. He will just have to come back and be an extreme victim if he can acknowledge what he did. He may not be able to acknowledge yet and be stuck in a purgatory type of place until he does and eventually he will. We are not here to judge, but Love and learn how to Love. Our world was created to have innate polarity to teach us how to get out of our ego and our narcissistic selves that further the separation that is spoken of in the first story of people in the Bible. This separation from God was built into our existence at the dawn of creation. Adam and Eve were ashamed when they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They hid from God. They became separate from God and this separation continues to snowball throughout time in our collective consciousness. Like riot behavior and prayer, when continued like-minded thinking takes place, more is created. The role of fear is to create more fear.

We attract what we judge. Until we learn to use Love as our weapon or tool, we will further the thing we are opposing. Beating down a culture or group of people creates more hate and violence and they will retaliate. Love creates more Love and when you Love someone with Kindness, especially unconditional Love, then more Love is created. We will continue to face that thing we hate and attract it like a magnet so we can learn to overcome the behavior or situation. It is a series of tests and trials and opportunities for growth. The difficulty is the learning mechanism. It takes friction to sharpen a knife and it takes rain for the flowers to bloom. We will not have so much friction that it wears away the knife into dust or tormentous rains that destroy the ground so nothing can grow. We will never be tempted beyond what we can handle. It is a birth/death/rebirth cycle.

I had the unfortunate situation this morning of waking up to a wild and extreme situation. The dog I am babysitting for my sister while she is dealing with a very difficult situation at home had diarrhea all over my kitchen floor. He will pee on my carpets so I have to remove them or close doors. He peed on the doggy bed when I forgot to put a pee pad down the first night I kept him. I have a doggy door that he will use in the daytime, however he won’t use it at night. I have to admit that I was not happy this morning when I came downstairs after waking up. This isn’t the first time, but I have never seen so much poop come out of an animal his size before. So, what in the hell is this all about?

I have gotten mad in the past and even this morning I had anger. This does not help anything. It does not curb the behavior. It generates more anger and can linger and ruminate in me to the point that I realize I do not want that emotion in my life. So, what do I do? Well, if I listen to the quote from Mr. Grant, then I must learn to Love. I must end the judgment cycle or I will continue to attract this issue. Tangibly, I can also take him out at night before bedtime on his leash and help him relieve his need to go potty. I will do this as well.

I have seemed to attract bodily excretions for my whole life. This probably sounds really weird. This is partially why this event is triggering for me. I grew up with some extreme trauma. I am not a victim. Let me say this again … I AM NOT A VICTIM. This is what I chose to go through in my belief system. I chose this existence of me for this lifetime so I can learn the lessons and achieve my purposes in life. I chose to be me so I can level up and be more like Christ or Buddha or whatever great Sage that you may ascribe to. Yes, I believe I can be Marlo the Christ and you as well can be You the Christ. This is why we are here on this Heaven or hell on Earth that we create with our outlook and beliefs. We are here on a polarized vibration of existence called Earth so that we can undergo the opposites and learn from them. I went through some deep difficulty here as a child that caused trauma in the form of acting out. I certainly acted out as a youth with my choices of rebellion and chaos. I also acted out involuntarily by being a bed wetter. I wet the bed daily until I was much too old to do so. My adoptive parents, when they were around and attentive, refused to do anything about my overnight urination until I was 13 years old. This of course astounds me that nothing was done until this time. Why would my mother put herself through this by washing sheets and dealing with urine. My adoptive mother was a covert narcissist. Maybe it made her more of a victim and that perceived victimhood gave her attention. I don’t know the reasoning. Why would I be subjected to laying in my own urine and dealing with that smell on the daily? Why would I be allowed to ruin my friends mattresses when I would spend the night? I was of course embarrassed and it even now takes courage to admit this to the world. Urine and feces have been the bane of my existence. I hate these two things more than anything. I am disgusted with them to the point of feeling sickened.

The process that was used to stop me from urinating overnight was sadistic. I was never told anything ahead of time in my childhood. I was never consulted on the choices and events that were planned to transpire. We moved frequently and I was uprooted from my friends by being in a transitory military environment. My adoptive father was not around much as he was a philanderer and also workaholic. He did not like my adoptive mother and stayed away from home a lot to the extent of being stationed in Korea for some of my childhood. I would wake up and be confused and go ask my mother why there were strange people taking my stuff out of my closet only to be told that we were moving that day. This same thing happened the morning I was to get my bed wetting issue corrected. One morning when I was in seventh grade, I thought I was going to school as usual until we started driving a different route. I asked my adoptive mother where we were going and she said that we were going to the doctor. I did not know why since I was not sick. The next thing I realized was that I was in an operating room and still clueless to why. The doctors and nurses asked me to put on a hospital gown. I was very embarrassed of my body also because I was made fun of by other boys in school for looking different. I had curled and bent toes from being made to wear shoes that were too small and they grew to overlap. I was born in Germany where circumcision was not the norm. So, I also had a penis that looked different than other boys in America. So, when I went to put the hospital gown on, I kept my underwear on. The doctors were irritated with this I remember and somewhat forcibly took them off of me and now I was on an operating table naked with bright lights and strange people in masks staring at my body. I still did not know why I was there. It was at this point that a sadistic technique was used to stop my urination. The doctors proceeded to shove larger and larger instruments into my urethra until it split and bled. They injected burning liquids into me. I was not sedated at all. I can remember my screaming and crying and pleading for them to stop as they held me down. I am not sure how my adoptive mother could sit outside the room listening to this, but that is where she sat in a chair the whole time.

An interesting thing is about a year ago, I had a spinal cord injury. I fell down and my spinal cord was nicked. I had a spinal fusion surgery about 23 years earlier from a wrestling injury in high school where an older wrestler thought it would be funny to jump me from behind when I was not looking and put me in a full nelson and slam my head into the mat. This cracked my vertebrae and essentially ruptured 3 disks. The true pain did not manifest for about 20 years which is when my first spinal fusion occurred. Stenosis developed in that area above the fusion for the next 23 years until the fall I had nicked the spinal cord. I underwent another spinal fusion a little over a year ago. I had no idea that our spinal cord contributes to so much autonomous functioning of our bodies. I ended up having a very disgusting hemorrhoidal issue where I needed a hemorrhoidectomy before the spinal fusion. I also lost the ability to urinate. I had to wear a Foley catheter for about a month. With this catheter, I had to have it inserted into my urethra repeatedly. The past trauma came back to me and I had a huge emotional melt down. That trauma was so intense and I was in tears and panic. Thankfully, I had the only family I have in my life which is my sweet sister. She did so much for me and always continues to. She is even responsible for helping me with my spiritual awakening about 10 years ago. So, urine and the repeated trauma I explained are recurring issues in my life. I underwent many forms of abuse and neglect and rejection and abandonment as a child and continued this into my adult life. Why? I know that I am not a victim as I chose this difficult role to incarnate into.

So, according to Mr. Grant’s quote, I have attracted this. Again, why? Was it from a past life that causes me to deal with these things in this life? Possibly. These are such gross and difficult things to work with. I believe that I am to deal with this dog’s urine and feces, as well as the genital pain I went through, to learn. I am to learn in a very primal way how to Love. I don’t love cleaning up the mess that is made. I don’t love the pain I went through again as an instrument was shoved deeply into my urethra. I do not love other pains I go through. I will continue to attract these things until I no longer judge them as the bane of my existence. As long as I claim to be a victim or even the overcomer of trauma, I will continue to live in that trauma. Until I learn to allow and accept the fact that this dog will continue to go potty in the house at night regardless of reason, I will have the hell on Earth that I find myself in. I do not know if the allowing and understanding I give to the dog will stop this behavior, but it will stop my hatred, anger, sadness, remembrance of past trauma, anger at my adoptive mother, and any other reaction I have that I may or may not even recognize. These emotions cause us to be in hell. I do not believe a God that is only Love can create a pit of eternal fire to burn souls for all eternity. That is completely silly to me and I do not judge you if you believe this. You can choose any Path and belief system that makes sense to you. I believe that Heaven and hell are real, but exist as a condition we create here on Earth. I still sometimes go to hell I guess. I do know that I have changed so much in my spiritual awakening and on my Path. If someone I knew over 10 years ago knew me now, I would think they would recognize a dramatic shift in who I am. I have separated myself from that large circle of friends I had, but occasionally I do run into them at concerts or art shows or wherever.

So Love breaks the cycle of hell. Love breaks the cycle of attraction. When we see some of the same synchronicities in life, that is what is spoken of as attraction. Whether they are deemed good or bad synchronicities, they are attracted to us. When we repeatedly have the same issues come up, we draw these to us. The Law of Attraction that Abraham-Hicks speaks of is this attraction. When we have judgment we bring more judgment and more of those situations until we no longer judge them. The more Love we have, the more Love we attract. It is Love we must use toward ourselves. I cannot and will not ever love urine. I love french fries and this is the type of love I am speaking of. Capital L Love is the Love of God. This is the Love we must have for ourselves. When we Love ourselves by allowing difficult situations to come our way to learn from, then we can view these difficulties as a gift. So, this dogs diarrhea explosion was a gift to me. It was a gift for me so I can recognize how to Love myself. It was a gift to me for growth and move to a higher level toward Christ. This was a chosen plan by me to learn from. I chose this and my life before I incarnated along with teaming up with this dog who agreed to be in this role to teach me. Even the people that are rocks in our shoes and the bane of our existence are friends with us before we came to this lifetime. They are not enemies, but chose to be the difficulty for us to learn from. This would explain my adoptive mother. How can I be angry now and hate and complain? I should embrace this dog and thank him. I will be apologizing to the dog and I will have a face to face conversation with him and regarding my anger.

I have learned from the problematic events of my life. I have undergone other serious abuse as a child and adult beyond what I have confessed here. We all have had catastrophes that we were not directly responsible for. You can use your imagination to think of these horrible events that happen to us. I know however that they are for me to grow from and essentially level up to be more like Christ. All of our difficulties the uncertainty that are unasked for, along with the blessings we receive, are for us to be lifted. We can lift our vibration to that of Joy and Thankfulness and Love. We can use our low vibrations to move up the emotional scale to that of the Christ vibration. We can celebrate and move up with our high vibrations we have. I am choosing Love and I choose this moment to break the cycle of attraction and anger and victimhood. I am thankful for this world of polarity and opposites to learn from. I am thankful for the non-judgment of mistakes to choose better outcomes by using Christ’s Love as the tool for growth. I am thankful for the Wisdom of how to heal. I choose to be One with God, you and the dog that teaches me.