Loneliness

I recently went on vacation to this wonderful island off of Mexico. It was amazing. I went alone and it was so restful. People often ask me if I’m ever lonely when I vacation by myself. I always say definitely not. I enjoy my time with myself and have the ultimate freedom of choosing to do what I want to do always. This is always true. Of course, this may sound selfish to some regarding just doing whatever I want to do. However, it is self-care when anyone can do that. Listening to the selfish intent of others telling you what you should do without your buy-in is what I have done that has hurt me.

Back to lonely. I have recently realized that there is a deep rooted form of loneliness that I do sometimes encounter consistently. The loneliness is deeply ingrained from childhood. There are some primal circumstances that contributed to me feeling alone in this world. I never had much of a family so I always wanted the unconditional and long-term connection that a family can offer. I emphasize “can” as the dysfunction that lies within all people can complicate a family. I feel I have always been looking for a mother, brother and a lover that can offer passionate, caring, unconditional, fierce love. Of course, essentially these do not lead to happiness, just a richer life.

These are ingrained issues that lead up to the loneliness I’m speaking of. Having roots and connection and the dedication that a family can give is one of the greatest gifts of this life. I understand the challenge this can bring and that also some of the biggest headaches and heartbreaks can be within that same family, but as it is said … to have and to lose is better than never to have had at all. I know this is debatable. However, I know I search for for this connection even unconsciously.

The good news is that I know the answer to this perceived need I have. The path there is my issue and walking this path requires some work. The answer to all is to look within. The Kingdom of Heaven is within said Jesus. This Kingdom is where all is Perfect and Love. We have everything that satisfies any and every need within us already. We have the perfection of the source of all things … that energy of Life and Love within us!

I was thinking recently about how our God is truly Everything. The utterance of a vibration and word called the Big Bang created with evolution all the things around us. I started laughing as I was thinking about the sense of humor our Creator must have. People think of “God” as some old guy with a long beard floating on a cloud in a robe with pearly Gates surrounding this wonderful place. I don’t think that he is a person and I don’t think gender can even come into play. The closest I can come is it’s the energetic Spirit that is in all things that keeps everything alive and in motion. Truly the essence of this Spirit is Love. The best definition of a “God” is … God Is. The Bible says the great “I Am”. God is our Creator, the effortless energy within and connecting all things. There is no word that can describe the Source of all things. God is evolution. The fact that things adapt and change. God is healing as it’s the fresh blood from the heart that allows everything to heal in the body. God is connection. We are all one; we have God within us all.

All of my answers are within me. True solutions to the problems I perceive and choose to believe are within rather than outside of us. I have everything I need available to me which is the true understanding of our God. So, I need to find my mother, my brother and my lover within myself. I think that this is everyone’s issue essentially … it is that we’re not in Union with our Creator which is Only Love. This is the biggest problem of our species. It is the issue in the first story of man in the Bible. Adam and Eve felt separate from God and to each other. To this day, we are still not in Union with our Creator. The Old Testament stories documented often how man needed to believe God was on their side and demanded them to wipe out a generation of people because they were different. We often make God into whatever we can conceive for our benefit.

I want to start using self-affirmations to tell myself words of Truth as my ideal mother/brother/lover, acknowledging how wonderful I am and how much I am loved. I want to remember that this satisfaction is actually my union with our “God”. I want to hear the words, believe them and ingrain those Truths into my life to overwrite the bad programming that is underneath. I’m going to work at speaking to myself in an unconditional loving away when I am angry with myself just as a caring family member would. I am going to speak these words aloud just like our Creator did to cause the Big Bang. There is a need for the tonality of speaking a word aloud. We understand it better. We integrate the senses with the vibration. I will practice this new understanding as the practice is every bit as important as the epiphany. I am here to learn from this situation to become Only Love. I am not alone.