I was speaking to my good friend recently about an incident at her work. I apologize for not disclosing the insanity of this story because it is disgusting. There are times that the imagination is better for us to use. My friend said that she has an idea of who is responsible for what happened. I listened to her reasoning as she has a special knowledge advantage as a former manager. The culprit is very odd. She does these capers purposefully and covertly or she is completely unaware which is scary and could also be true. This person’s skill level and attitude are in question on top of this. I used to work in a sex offender treatment center where I have seen this acting out and there are psychological diagnosis’ that classify the nature of this. Anyway, “it is what it is” … funny cliché these days, but true.
How do I attract this! The innocent until proven guilty person mentioned only spits poison. Her conversation is always negative. She likes to whisper loudly so that others can hear her. All sentences end with “no it all” words, one upping replies or gossip. She is a cat lady, so there could be some actual dementia going on from a cat scratch as well. So many variables.
Shortly after meeting her, I realized that she is one of the four types of Narcissists. She is the type of narcissist like the woman that raised me. She was my adoptive mother. This type of narcissism is called Covert Narcissism. I happen to know this lady at the workplace. She is a vampire. I felt her low energy immediately upon meeting her. You know, you feel it bringing you way down. I have always kept big boundaries to that energy. It is so familiar and impossible to be around. I am sure my childhood experience is most of the reason.
So a narcissist can be diagnosed with a Narcissist Personality Disorder in the DSM-IV. I want to say that I have had such strong boundaries with the person in question that I could never diagnose her since there are many qualifications to satisfy. These NPD classifications are generally thought to be unable to change. It is impossible. Possibly, it is a genetic disposition. They may grow in other ways, but they will be a rock in your shoe for as long as you know them. They are so self focused whether they think they are grandiose or a “woe is me” which is a covert narcissist like my mother was.
Why did they come here to live this experience if they cannot change this way? I believe in miracles. I thought anything can change, but I understand that there has to be will, intention and belief in what may seem impossible or absurd. Well, I am sure that there are exceptions or even a ridiculously low percentage that may change. There is a genetic connection to satisfy the Nature part of the Nature vs. Nurture perspective. I think it is the role chosen or a karmic repercussion with lessons required. We can choose and learn our lessons to be a Christ or Buddha or whatever through very challenging roles. It takes friction to sharpen a knife. This can be where being born with a deformity or disease can be reckoned with somewhat more easily with an adoption of a different understanding. We can learn from any role we see. Maybe the rich man in a former life must come back again as someone in absolute poverty to learn the lesson necessary.
So, if a true narcissist cannot change, then why are they here? They are here to be a rock in our shoe. They are difficult. They suck our energy. Until we learn to love those people and bless them with Love, we will continue to endure them. We may still have encounters, but the new encounters will be virtually painless as boundaries and the ability to be the observer with understanding is used. It is a healing of perspective. Getting more details such as other perspectives, helps you see the big picture a little better. We have healed which is alchemy. My friend used the phrase “kill them with kindness” when dealing with the person we discussed earlier. When we bless those difficult people we encounter in life with Love, there is healing in both yourself and the others. When we are truly not bothered by consistent, poor behavior, we are gifted with peace. They are changed and we are changed. Why expect a scorpion to act like a butterfly? Be realistic. True Love in this human realm can use healthy boundaries. We are not to take their negativity. We can be direct and explain our boundaries to them. We can be consistent with those boundaries as they will be pushed. We Love them anyway because we know they are here to train us so we can learn how to truly Love. When we bless them while using our Knowing and boundaries, they know it. They may have a new respect for us showing outwardly, but use healthy skepticism because you know they are a scorpion. And, what may happen is they may bless you back which may be their lesson. They know they are a lot and when they see real Love, they can gain a healing. Love to me is allowing people to be in their own choice in whatever they do. I do not have to approve. It may be blatantly wrong, but there is karma and earthly retribution that helps. The expression of Real Love with a showing of respect to yourself and the other person will shine through the clouds that surround them. They may want to express that back. It is probably a vague and new feeling. True Light shines through all defenses.
Historically, the reactions and relationships with very difficult people have been consistent in all cultures. Most people have been irritated with them throughout life more than likely. We can shine through. Kindness, boundaries, respecting all as a child of God, knowing that all roles teach and allowing others to be in their choice are qualities and products of Love. When we know that others are here to fill a role for a situation, our perspective is finer tuned. We learn from the resets of perspective. This task is hard to consistently implement like all. Implementation is the Part 2 after the epiphany and wake up call. It is the practice. Practice makes Perfect. We must respond in Love over and over until it is automatic and rooted in Love. It is Love for yourself and others.
I always need reminders in my practice. I am reminded often and everywhere … usually caught off guard. Easily, it can be in the car where you don’t even speak or know the other person or their lives. It is all around me. I can learn from every encounter. When I catch myself not practicing Love, I want to recalibrate to that higher vibration of Understanding. Then start practicing again.
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